She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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