Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
