i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
