Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
