I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
