You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
