just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
