Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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