Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
