In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
