What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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