I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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