Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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