I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
