why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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