yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
