Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
