New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
