I got chris browned last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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