he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
