Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
