You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
