Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
