I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
