The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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