He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
