I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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