Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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