Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
