all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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