Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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