LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
