We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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