I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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