you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
