New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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