Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
