Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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