Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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