I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Those nachos came to me in a dream
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
