I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
