Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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