I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
