no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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