i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
