you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am puke
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
