oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
