Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
