the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
