So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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