not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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