i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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