Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
